I wish everyone was Xave Koen. I don’t know how the citizens of Xavetopia would reproduce exactly, but feel free to use your imaginations. Or photoshop. I choose to believe that a new little baby Xave would grow from every chunk of bloody manflesh he leaves behind on various skateparks and dirt jumps, scraped off his shins on the pedals of his trusty bicycle. However the DSM scientists choose to achieve this evolutionary advancement, the end result would be bliss.
Picture a world filled with tall, bearded, ruggedly handsome blokes, who scowl a lot and seem kinda intimidating, until the scowls shatter unexpectedly into the most formidably devilish grins one can imagine. It would be a place entirely free of cowardice, where people completely ignored commonly held notions of what is and isn’t possible, and sensible. It would be a planet populated with people who choose to push through the fucked up shit thrown their way in life (including the imminent threat of paralysis), and spend their days pursuing the baddass shit that they love. Everyone would be insanely rad at riding bicycles. And perhaps most importantly, if everyone was Xave Koen, my Facebook newsfeed would be infinitely more entertaining, filled with brutally honest rants, observations, and invitations to adventure, rather than invitations to do things to candy. DSM caught up with XK this week to see what makes him tick.
XK: The things that make me happy are very precious. Seeing any of my 6 sisters laugh is fucking incredible. They’re all more beautiful than the last, but have been through hell and high water, so to see them have a giggle and take the piss out of anyone, usually me or our brothers, gets me so stoked. To see a bunch of young women who don’t give a fuck about phone relationships, facebook, any of that crap, makes me happy and so very bloody proud. They’re all dope, all for different reasons. They make me happy.
DSM: What makes Xave Koen angry?
XK: Man, I work as a chef, so inefficiency angers me. I’m of the mind that if you want to be told twice, get it right the second time you hear it. Its weird like that in a kitchen. I mostly couldn’t care less what happens around me in my personal life, but when it comes to work, it’s different. I work hard to give people what they want, and inefficiency prevents that from happening.
In my personal life, I’m angered by scooters in skateparks, no take-away drinks after 10pm, dishonest people and shit radio stations.
‘Breaks my fuckin’ heart that I cant listen to a dope track without having to download it to an ipod I have no idea how to use.’
Oh, and technology angers me. Like, fucking heaps. Just because I am batshit poor at understanding it.
‘I get horny as fuck when I turn up to my jumps and find someone I’ve never seen before holding a shovel in his own hands instead of a video camera.’
People who work for what they want, reap the rewards.
DSM: What makes Xave Koen love riding bikes?
XK: I was recently told by my doctor, after CT scans, that I have two prolapsed discs in my spine and an unnatural spike of bone protruding from the verteba between those discs.
‘This doc told me that if I keep riding and skating, that this bone spike will puncture a spinal nerve and render me paraplegic. After that prognosis I stopped riding… for three months.’
During that time I lost all motivation, sex-drive, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t wake up, couldnt sleep, EVERYTHING. I just can’t function without it. It’s been the only constant in my life. Riding my bike is the only thing that keeps me going.
‘Life isn’t necessarily a great hand to be dealt. But if you find what it is that keeps the minutes ticking over, you fucking throw caution to the wind and HAVE TO keep doing that thing.’
DSM: What makes Xave Koen keep doing such epic shit?
XK: I dont do epic shit. I just want to do whatever I want to do. And with some hard(ish) work, some serious (but hard to find) self motivation, and a shit ton of brainwashing the beautiful, creative cunts around me, I might be lucky enough to get to keep doing just that, and asking these questions of others.